I feel like there’s a lot to unpack, yet I’m still in the same constantly-on mode as I was this whole semester. It’s hard for me to really think, like there’s some kind of invisible weight on the top of my head. I think I’ll wait until later this summer to slowly let out some thoughts.

Just wanted to at least put an update out, especially since I’m not doing really anything at this particular minute.

This past week, though, has been hectic. Had to:

  • Take over repairs and maintenance for the condo I grew up in as parents have long been pretty mid + unbothered landlords and neglecting some much needed work: talked quotes, soothed frustrated residents, negotiated w/ contractors, coordinated HOA for water shut-offs, trying to figure out whether I’m getting a fair price or not, ensuring contract was somewhat bullet-resistant, taking initiative w/ gestures of goodwill, and just constant CALLS, CALLS, CALLS. However, the work should finish up tomorrow or the day after, which will hopefully offer some much-needed reprieve. Not sure if I’ll write up something about this, but tl;dr is old type-m cheap copper pipes, pinhole leaks -> water damage, doing full repipe w/ PEX-A + adaptors, issues w/ sharing lines, + drywall restoration.
  • Help w/ my mom’s car repairs. Was making a pretty bad noise + driving poorly. I advised her to go to a trusted local/independent mechanic rather than a dealership, and I even sent a few over to her that I vetted. She ended up at the dealership, but luckily, it was a pretty reasonably-priced inspection, and I was able to convince her to take the repairs at a trusted mechanic, which saved over $1000 overall. There could’ve been a few upsells like air filters, but honestly well-priced ones, so why not. They might’ve genuinely needed a change + it’s not like my parents would change those themselves. Win-win in my books. They get a bit more business + we get good prices on the larger repairs like changing the brake rotors and pads that she wore down.
  • Follow up on my two student’s college things, which I need to do later today as well, as they’re not staying on top of registration and other tasks despite promises to do so. I love working with them, but goodness it’s frustrating because I can’t be there for them all the time.
  • Catching up with United work: set up laptop for better access to Foundry + heads down/deep work. Lots and lots to do and figure out, sighs.
  • Parents came over for general commencement + broke the PS5 and showerhead within the 20 hours they stayed at the house, so had to get those repaired. Shopped around for PS5 hdmi repair quotes (ranged from $150-180) and found this goated shop that gave me a student discount to total $88 after taxes. Shoutout Quickfix Wireless on Telegraph. Evan (LL and roommate) handled the showerhead, ty.
  • Packing + moving + parents + graduation + social + dinners/chats w/ ppl’s parents + all of that. Not really stressful like the rest, but rather the fun and freeing side of the week.
  • IPIRA + RDI, need to get a move on those.
  • Final grades are rolling out. One professor mixed me up with another “Chen” and gave me a B instead of an A-. Actually had me so pmo for the last 24 hours, but he resolved it, thank goodness. Thought I needed to file a grade appeal or something for the first time in my college career because that was the most unwarranted B I ever gotten. In comparison, I’m happy to settle with an A-. After all, this professor is notorious with random grading that favors student athletes, finance bros/gals, and his inner circle of students. I, for one, am not part of that, but I did my fair share of the participation and work, so an A- is honestly quite reasonable. As for CS61C, I think I ended with a B+, which was better than my original hope for a B-, yet falls just short of an A-. Given I learned almost 75% of the course content in the two weeks leading up to the final. It’s a fair B+. Had I put in some effort into the class besides the bare minimum throughout the semester, I think I would have gotten an A-, although one could argue I wouldn’t have studied as hard as I did had I not been and justifiably felt so unprepared for the final. Seeing if I can clutch up an A-, but I think I’m, again, just short of the cut-off. Can’t have it all haha. Should be happy with what I have and how I did on the exam tbh. Went from -0.55 z-score to a positive one, which then clobbered the bad midterm performance.
  • Still tutoring, too :P

Anyways, a little psychological analysis if you don’t mind. Apparently, I’m (as well as many others for sure) in this state of cognitive fatigue and decision overload, a state where my prefrontal cortex (responsible for planning, focusing, and regulating emotions) is worn down from a long period of sustained mental effort. Like muscle fatigue, but for executive function. So, brain is genuinely exhausted. Additionally, chronic stress hormones are still being produced as our bodies have been running on cortisol and adrenaline for months, so that fight or flight is still basically on. Makes it hard to feel peace, rest, or process emotions. There’s also this psychological transition lag that psychologists call “liminal space” (an in-between zone after one identity ends (student) and before the next fully forms (adult/corporate cog/etc?). And apparently the brain dislikes this uncertainty and loss of structure, so it creates a weird emotional “buzz” where things can feel frozen or numb. Last concept would be the rest paradox, where rest after being in the hustle mode long enough can feel quite uncomfortable and even stressful as my brain associates idleness with being “unproductive” so it keeps scanning for tasks, making it hard to decompress. However, it’s right though as I do have a lot of tasks still, even after graduating, which I find ridiculous T.T let me travel and relax already.

All of it should pass with time as the nervous system rebalances and I actually finish some of the tasks on my plate :)

“Rest is not idleness, and to lie sometimes on the grass under trees on a summer’s day, listening to the murmur of the water, or watching the clouds float across the sky, is by no means a waste of time.” ― John Lubbock, The Use Of Life